Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
