I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
