Just fell off a train. Bad.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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