You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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