She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
