i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
