she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Randomize
