it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
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