On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize