So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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