we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
