I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
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