the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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