I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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