I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
