i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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