Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
