There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
