well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
