Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
