ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
