lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
