handjob tips. give me some.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
i need some magic done to my vagina
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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