I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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