no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
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i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
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Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
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