I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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