I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
