If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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