Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
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