Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
