No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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