just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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