new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
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