I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
