why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
