It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
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what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
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You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
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