yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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