Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
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You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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