Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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