I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
