i used baking grease as lip gloss
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
