o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
