Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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