I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Never underestimate the power of titties
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