sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
