apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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