Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize