So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
