i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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