I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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