i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
In America we eat man semen.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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