I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
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