Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
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He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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