Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
