I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
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He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
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Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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