i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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