Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Randomize
