Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
