Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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