They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
