life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
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