i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize