Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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