Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
