You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize